For partners ยท Alerts and what they mean
How to respond to an alert
The first message you send sets the tone for every one after it.
First message
Step 1 of 4
Wait a beat, then ask
Don't fire off a message the second the alert lands. Then ask, rather than accuse: *"Got an alert from Instagram earlier. Everything OK?"* leaves room for the truth. *"What were you looking at?"* invites a lie.
Mindset
Step 2 of 4
Treat a slip as information, not a verdict
An alert means the system worked. The point isn't to catch them; it's for them to know someone will notice, and to talk about what led there. Ask what was going on that day. The evening reflections help here.
Encouragement
Step 3 of 4
Notice the good days too
Reflections come to you every evening. A quick *"saw your reflection, proud of you"* on a good day is worth more than any message on a bad one.
Limits
Step 4 of 4
Know when it's beyond you
If what you're seeing is frequent, escalating, or involves gambling debt or anyone underage, say so and point them to help: a counselor, a pastor, Samson Society, Pure Desire, or 1-800-GAMBLER. Being a partner doesn't make you their therapist.
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